I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
you inspire me to be a worse person
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
