So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
