He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
