Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
