If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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