we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
