My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
