cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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