New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize