FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize