So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
