Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
