Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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