So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
