his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
