I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
