Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
