Fine. I'll sleep in my office
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i drank out of a bidet.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
