sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
operation have a gay friend backfired
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
