i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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