so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
