Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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