you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
