The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
