dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
