Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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