New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
