you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
