My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
