so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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