I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
