So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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