yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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