yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize