oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
