haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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