Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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