she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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