Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
