Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
home. puking in laundry basket.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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