So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize