I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
he fucked my hip out of place.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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