So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
