i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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