Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
