Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
