sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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