Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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