If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
