Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
