He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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