If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
She announced her abortion via fbk
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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