dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Alive.
So much puke
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
