Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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