at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
it was like having sex with a tree stump
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
