Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I lost the right to judge tonight
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
