his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
