Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
