i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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