That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
