NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
