WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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