Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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