just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
