You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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