I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
