Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
how drunk are you?
Several
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
