Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
