Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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