3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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