i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize