My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
