best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
